We eat several times a day, we look forward to or dread upcoming meals, and the quality of our food even dictates how we look, feel, think, and act.
Eating is a big deal.
14
Jul
2022
29
Dec
2021
All Good Trads Welcome
Picture by 12-year-old A.M.
There’s a large “trad” movement going on. “Trad” being short for “traditional” and indicating some kind of striving towards traditional living and values. There seem to be two main “types” in the trad movement. Upon close inspection, I think these two groups are merely indicative of natural life stages and gender preferences and both may lead to the same place, at least, if each can better understand the other. In this discussion we’ll omit the “trad” individuals without virtue, without shame, and without good intentions.
On the more visible and perhaps popular road, we have women leading the way with an overtly feminine aesthetic, unabashed desires for starting families, having children, being stay-at-home mothers and wives who submit to their husband’s benevolent leadership, as well as cooking and cleaning for one’s household.
I don’t see anything wrong with the above, depending on how the details play out. But this representation of trad receives a great deal of criticism because so many participants on social media are making commentary and given how short form many social media happens to be, a nuanced representation of trad often goes out the window and an oversimplified one, with bold statements to suit the likes of successful Twitter engagement and triggering, is often the norm.
Since the masses are more emotional than not, this trad movement has turned off as many men and women as it has attracted. But that’s likely due to a high number of young member commentary. Tweets by 20-year-olds receive extra slack from me on account of remembering some of the things I said at that age. We aught not abandon wholesome youth, but gently guide and encourage them. I don’t see anything wrong with turning off some people either, as you can’t stand for much these days without creating division. The issue for some seems to be the agitation they feel when their traditionalist views are mocked and misunderstood or misrepresented due to whatever has been observed from the more mainstream depiction of trad which is often lacking nuance.
So what is the other represented path for the traditional movement? It’s more understated, for certain. Women are less in front of the camera for this one, aiming to share more via words than pictures. If they do share pictures, there are usually more objects of creation than selfies involved. Many men take part in the leadership of the movement on this side. The aesthetic component isn’t quite the same. There seems to be more focus on what is being done, what is being made, and what needs to be in the future versus a feeling, a wish, or a moment. The values are generally the same but they are more consistently and clearly tied to reasoning and historical precedence. For example, marriage before children can be spread as a popular idea with cute rhetoric and beautiful photos of brides, grooms, flowers, cake, and babies. The fantastic imagery can border on fantasy and can come off like a focus on the material versus the essential. I regard this as mostly youthful enthusiasm. The more grown up trads tend to employ reasoning regarding why marriage before children is a gamble and may encourage or coach others in their efforts to properly vet a potential marriage partner or improve relationships. This path is viewed as more of a mature, practical, actionable approach.
So both have a similar end goal and vision for the future but one is more feminine, shallow, and fun, and the other more masculine, deep, and serious. But the former cannot be discounted in the power it holds because women seeing inspiring imagery and opinions from other females inevitably helps lead towards monumental real life actions. If a young woman is “shallowly” inspired to gain commitment before having children, given she isn’t misled about how to go about finding a good man, she still wins and can in time safely learn more life-enhancing wisdom. Her experience will explain to her exactly why that decision was a good one, beyond what she knew at the time.
I’m a female and I smile at feminine aesthetics and short quippy phrases I agree with even if they exclude all nuance from a discussion, but my style is generally introspective and philosophical and I enjoy all the practical and intelligent reasoning which supports traditionalism. Understanding human behavior on a relational, civilizational, and and historical level helps one to arrive at many conclusions regarding traditional norms. These are more thoroughly discussed in the latter movement I describe. I find these discussions highly critical to engage in because, while young, I believe I was preoccupied to some extent with my wedding gown, hair, fitness, and make-up. I am now, at age 38, a seasoned wife and mother and much more keenly aware of the gravity of my role. I wish I could go back in time and not just don a more feminine attitude and appearance, but also learn about the delicate nuanced dance and relationship between men and women, mothers and their children, fathers and their children, and between families and the overall community surrounding them. With a deeper understanding, I would have been a better wife and mother and community member from the start. Thus this website mostly starts from a basics and psychological point of view, going over what creates our mindsets and why certain ideas are perhaps good or not. Yet, you’ll notice I write about appearances, and other seemingly less important topics, too. There are plenty of men and women out there that do the same. I consider all these different topics part of a holistic approach–they all matter to me though I don’t give them all equal priority.
In general, the fun and light trad movement gets many women in the door, and hopefully, their being lovely, family-oriented, attracted to virtue, and willingness to respect men should then lead them to worthy men with whom they can commit and grow families and learn much more about the intricacies of relationships, civilization, health, and success which have so recently been tragically abandoned.
Valid criticism of anyone or any idea in the traditionalist movement is called for as truth always needs to be a priority. And I emphasize caution towards the assumption that older is automatically better, as that is objectively untrue. Some traditions need to be undone over time with our evolving wisdom. But certain traditions need to be protected, nourished, and passed on as they are golden and were hard earned by our ancestors.
Overall, I applaud the gorgeous and excited young women and men being energetic and vulnerable about a traditional lifestyle. I hope that in their excitement, they manage to use enough available wisdom to be successful in their endeavors. I trust many will do well. And I do see many young traditionalists with a great deal of humility and willingness to learn. Life beautifully matures all those who start out on a solid foundation and never give up. And I wholeheartedly cherish the knowledge and experience that the elders and the more philosophically bent members have to share. Those who have done the things we think are ideal and done them well, should get our close attention. Perhaps this is just one of the stories as old as time where the inexperienced and newly exposed receive patience and support and the successful and experienced lead the way with their example.
It’s thrilling to consider how many people of all ages are looking upon the beauty and wisdom of the past, working adamantly to improve the present and future, prioritizing the family unit, prizing virtues, morals, ethics, and striving for a simple but wonderful life comprised of physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health.
Together, we’re going to make it.
17
Sep
2021
The Great Power of Handed-Down Wisdom
Image by 12-year-old A.M.
Handed-down information drives a culture. Ideally, this information and the associated habits lead to the flourishing of a society. Better wisdom makes for a better culture which makes for a more successful people. And that’s why so much wisdom has been carefully maintained, memorized, repeated, and written down as long ago as possible. Wisdom is hard-earned and therefore a precious gift to pass on, particularly if one wishes their descendants to thrive and avoid learning the same brutal lessons all over again. You and I may be tempted to think we are much more refined and advanced than our Middle Age ancestors, but are we really? Or are we simply born into a more advanced society, with a huge reservoir of well-established wisdom and information for us to benefit from?
When mothers taught their daughters how to cook and sew and fathers taught their sons how to fight and hunt, they were ensuring their child’s ability to one day have value in the eyes of others as well as to survive. A parent values their child no matter what but that’s not the reality of the world of adulthood. Once we grow up we must somehow earn our keep or forge a path towards independence, where we care for ourselves. There’s no other way. So in history, women who were taught valuable skills were much more likely to be cared for one day and competent, high-value men got to procreate whereas the others did not. Nature deals a harsh blow to all those who don’t meet the minimal usefulness standards of the time. In today’s world, we have intercepted nature’s ways, but the point still stands. For example, parents in recent times have bent over backwards to get their children through college, believing that a degree should help ensure their child’s ability to care for themselves and their family.
Wisdom is created the way water carved out the Grand Canyon many years ago. It takes a long time for a valuable bit of information to be widely accepted and disseminated. Even today, where you can spread an idea around the world in no time, there’s no guarantee your great idea will be understood or treasured in the minds of others. Established wisdom lasts because it has gone through a long and arduous process of acceptance and proven itself over time. Whatever wisdom you can attain in life and then act upon, will make your life better.
Do you know what a gift wisdom is to those without the easy ability to know what to do? There are plenty of people who require lots of respectful guidance and leadership. Otherwise they too often do the wrong thing. This is all of us at some point or other. An effective and successful culture can pass on its wisdom to all in the tribe and everyone benefits. I’m not smart enough to figure out certain things and so I’ve been grateful for those who have passed on wisdom to me. When they also lived virtuously, they inspired my trust and confidence. Thus, I have in plenty of cases, taken their advice and benefited greatly from it. It’s important to remember that not everyone in any group has the same level of competency and intelligence. Those with a bit less ability to problem solve and choose the correct path before them can do quite well in life if they’ve been handed down a good quantity of valuable wisdom to follow. They should be taught some level of critical thinking and how to keep an open mind if possible, but at least they can fully participate in keeping civilization going without undermining it.
One of the most beautiful things about handed-down information is that, even though it’s generally an extremely necessary and positive act to question things, you don’t have to thoroughly understand or first question many pieces of wisdom to benefit from them. You can simply remember that a snake with a particular pattern and distinct eye is venomous and choose to act on that information. And you’ll be better off for it, without having needed any additional experience or intelligence. The only other key thing you’ll need is whatever creates the will to motivate you to follow through on the warning. However, if you’re raised to have been alongside an adult when this snake has appeared, and they successfully averted an attack, then you’d be conditioned to do the same, without much questioning or need for motivation. You’d be acting almost out of pure instinct. If you trust your parent or fellow tribe member, you’re likely not to question too much of their advice.
There’s a crucial element that needs to be present for a culture’s handed-down ways alone is not the answer to all our problems. Every tribe or community needs to have its wisest, smartest, and strongest members be virtuous. Others who can get close do doing the same should try. And those who have the hardest time would ideally follow the leaders who are recognized as the good examples. If leaders become corrupt, immoral, or weak, a civilization will inevitably fail. If you’re an intelligent and capable human specimen, consider your responsibility to virtuously lead others via your example.
I didn’t understand certain advice given to me by my father when I was a teenager. For whatever reason, some of it was immediately stored away on a back shelf in my brain. Over the years, some of the advice has popped up at just the right time it was needed and highly influenced my behavior, leading me to ideal outcomes or resolutions of my problems. What if he had thought that his eye-rolling teenager wouldn’t be interested and shouldn’t be subject to unwanted information and had instead not spoken? I would agree with those who say one shouldn’t talk a teenager’s ear off and instead gain their trust and as well as their ear, but life wisdom is something we must pass on as parents, and better clumsily done than not at all. It is our duty. What was the point of our ancestors gaining and passing critical information on under much more difficult circumstances if we were going to shrug one day and risk the future?
This is the foundation necessary for parents. We must be virtuous examples that inspire following from our children. But we can scale this up to an entire community of people and see that the value of good and longstanding wisdom is greater than gold and those who best exemplify our values are paragons worthy of our attention. Our current society is all too focused on those who shock, entertain, and subvert. Stand against this by doing your best to seek out those who know more than you, who are not hypocrites, who lead stable, wholesome lives, who are consistent, who behave morally, and carefully consider their thoughts and actions.
If and when you have children, be make sure to pass on wisdom, good habits, and above all, your example of wise choices and behaviors. If there is a child who struggles with doing the right thing, any experience and exposure to good sense may save them in the end.
11
Aug
2021
Why We Love the Wooden Floor
When we step into a room with a wooden floor, our hard soles resounding, we feel it confident and solid beneath our feet. Someone skillfully fashioned the boards from beautiful trees in a most practical way. We can easily sweep crumbs off the wooden floor, and wipe up spills. We can condition it with some oil and refinish as necessary. It’s always real and it was only slightly modified from material in nature. It’s not just that a wooden floor isn’t carpet or laminate tiles. It’s not just that it is easier to keep clean and goes with everything. It’s that it is a healthy and natural substance that pleases our utilitarian needs, our aesthetic ones, and that of our sensitive souls.
It’s not just the wooden floor. Many of us yearn for brick, stone, fire, wool, cotton, linen, leather, and iron. These materials were masterfully reshaped from nature into beauty and good use and have served us well for ages.
Plastic is a wonderful invention. Think of its uses in medicine, for example. But now that our children’s toys and many of our goods, even clothing are made of it, we’re weary of the sight and feel of it. We long for goods that are as useful and durable as they are beautiful and tactically pleasing. We regret the descent into consumer madness as it means we can now justify paying less for more because we realize it was a trick. We’re not really getting more when our household items don’t last and barely bring us pleasure while they do.
And there is something else about timeless natural materials like wood. When I step on a wooden surface or terracotta tiles or a rock floor, I instantly feel connected to my ancestors. Many of them stepped on these surfaces, certainly not plastic carpeting. It seems silly. Yet, when mundane or difficult tasks wear on me every now and then, I draw strength from the knowledge that I’m here because others carried on these same tasks before me. Their steps sounded like mine as they worked. And they kept finding food. They kept cooking. They kept raising children. They kept creating wonderful things in the midst of great hardship and turmoil.
Right now many of us find ourselves craving a simple and meaningful life, surrounded by beauty. One great way to do that is to minimize plastics in our home environment and to plant some flowers, frame our own art or photographs, and bake some bread. In other words, create what we can versus purchasing all the time.
My family and I have worked to create some simple but decent things. I’ve painted some of our furniture, surprised at how well it turned out with a bit of love and patience. I cook almost all our food from scratch. My husband grows vegetables in our garden as well as some plum and fig. He also makes things out of wood like our bed, a pull-out desk I have used so I can read and write while on the treadmill, a computer desk, our dinner table, and a small table with benches for our kids to do messy activities on. I’m not the best with sewing but luckily, our daughter is rather adept, and hopes to advance her skills in coming years. Our son is in charge of our chickens and is good with a wood burning pen. We try to spend our time doing meaningful things that help us be healthy and offer us beauty. And believe me, my blueberry cheesecake is a thing of beauty.
So this is about much more than the wooden floor. I simply think that for many people, one of their most recognizable and widespread desires related to quality materials just so happens to be it.
28
Jun
2021
This is Why I Homeschool My Kids
Check out my many articles on the topic here.
21
May
2021
Hierarchy of How to Look Your Best
What do I mean by hierarchy? Some things are more important than others. Have you seen a woman with impeccable nails and hair who speaks in an extremely off-putting way? Or one who does her make-up expertly but carries way too much extra weight? There are priorities in life and when it comes to looking our best, some things come before others. Here’s the ranking from most important to least:
- Health (mental, physical, emotional)
- Personal Hygiene
- Body Control (posture and movement, voice quality, facial expressions)
- Clothing
- Finer Details
Let’s break each down:
Health
This includes mental, physical, and emotional health. Health is wealth, as they say. It’s the fundamental quality of an ideal human specimen. We all have varied levels of health–none of us is perfect. The goal is to become as healthy as each of us has the potential to be. If you need to lose weight, this is an aspect of health that will go very far in terms of your overall wellbeing but also your appearance.
We all know physical beauty can take a woman far, yet if she is mentally or emotionally unhealthy, her attractiveness is going to suffer for it in ways that will soon make all the difference. So detail for yourself where your health needs to be improved and then tackle those points one by one. Do what you can to be as healthy as you can be. Go to therapy, heal from trauma, sort out your environment, create a new mindset–do whatever it takes to become inwardly healthy. This will shine bright for all to see.
Don’t worry about not being perfectly healthy. Seriously. Focus on one challenge at a time. Do your best and work with what you have. This will take you very far. Not to mention, this journey will impact your children one day because you will be their primary role model in life. If you know how to live in a way that promotes your health, so will they!
Personal Hygiene
Personal hygiene and basic grooming fall together. General care of your hair lies here. It’s worth noting that personal hygiene generally relies on health, which is why health comes before it. If you are healthy, you have the motivation and energy needed to brush your teeth, shower, and keep yourself clean and well groomed each day. This impacts health so one supports the other. It’s very much a symbiotic relationship. When you have good personal hygiene, you’re signaling to others that you’re a generally healthy person. If you lack some discipline in this area, a little goes a long way. Don’t stress about it, just steadily work on raising this bar and consistently meeting it for yourself.
Body Movements
An average looking woman can look like the most gorgeous one by knowing how to move gracefully, speak beautifully, and by making pleasant facial expressions.
Posture and Movement
Good posture is good for your health but also your appearance. Having a slumped posture is not just a matter of habit, sitting too much and not working out stomach and back muscles creates a lack of support and thus, a slumped posture. Doing basic exercise can strengthen you and help you stand and sit up-right with less conscious effort. Be mindful until you create this new habit, if needed.
Moving gracefully may be initially easier for those who are athletically gifted but anyone can learn to do it. Practice walking with your back straight, your hips slightly forward, your step light, your head looking straight ahead, your shoulders back, and your arms swinging without exaggeration. After you’ve got this down, learn to turn, sit, and squat in a graceful and ladylike way. We all have physical quirks and I happen to think they’re charming, but couple these with graceful movements and you’ll indicate your personality without detracting from your attractiveness. Old movies show women doing this very well if you need inspiration.
Voice Quality
We’ve lost our emphasis on using our voices these last few decades. One of the more powerful traits you have is your voice. People don’t hear our words so much as how we say something. Learning to speak in an attractive way can increase our overall attractiveness. There is a trend right now where many speak with vocal fry and make every every sentence sound like they’re asking a question. Try not to do the latter as it makes you sound perpetually unsure but at the very least get rid of the vocal fry. It sounds like nails on a chalkboard. It covers up your lovely voice. You don’t have to speak in a high pitched way. You don’t have to try to sound sultry. You don’t have to be overly soft. If you speak with the right volume for your environment and use your natural pitch and tone, without straining it, you’ll sound great. Practice slowing down and modulating your words so they sound clear. Old movies, again, can greatly help in this case. They often feature women who worked just as much on their voice as they did their appearance and their acting. Dropping your voice to your lower register and then raising it for emphasis (and vice a versa) keeps attention and displays your lovely vocal range. It may seem silly to give your voice so much thought but attractiveness is not just what one sees or smells, but also what one hears.
Facial Expressions
Facial expressions are a product of two things: 1) your insides coming out–so for this you need to think pleasant thoughts more often than not or your face will too often give away your worry, anger, annoyance, jealousy, rage, etc. 2) facial expressions also are a matter of habit, you may have picked up some of your expressions from your family or friends. Some of these may not be so nice looking. Monitor the faces you make during the course of a day and watch out for any harsh, ugly, or unpleasant expressions you may be regularly making. It’s ok to be funny and make some I Love Lucy faces. But contorting your otherwise lovely face too much when you’re upset is not going to do you any favors. If you’re tense, learn to relax your facial muscles. Learn to soften your gaze. If you feel sad, don’t try to cover it up. You’ll only look harsh. Being submissive to the way you feel but in a soft, feminine way, is generally the key. It will look alright, I promise. A pout always looks better on a woman than a grimace.
Doing all these will truly make you stand out in a sea of women who have not received any guidance in this area. More importantly, you’ll get a confidence boost that is grounded within your own body and within your own control, not from an expensive necklace or nice bag, or anything outside of you.
Clothes
Clothing is a favorite for us women but as you see, it’s not at the top of the list. You notice we’re working on attractiveness from within, to your plain physical body, and now, to the way you dress yourself. Each day is an opportunity to enhance our beauty or take from it based on our clothing choices. If you’re here, I take it you want to dress in a feminine way. There’s more to it than that. You want to learn to dress for your lifestyle, your personality, your body type, and your overall vibe. Learning all these can become somewhat of a journey, one women tend to enjoy. Most women learn to dress themselves well after age 30, not before, but there’s nothing stopping someone younger from figuring out what works best for them. It just takes some time, self-awareness, and effort.
Dressing for your lifestyle is a must because you need to be able to own what is practical for you to wear each day. A closet full of glamorous clothing you never wear is you begging for sadness. Carefully construct your wardrobe out of items that suit your current daily activities. Casual clothing can be just as lovely as more formal attire.
Dressing for your personality involves knowing yourself. I have a blog post on this you can check out. Otherwise, you want to avoid obvious mistakes like dressing in sharp, bright, glitzy clothing if your personality is really gentle and quiet and down-to-earth. Don’t wear vulgar clothing if you’re a wholesome person. Don’t wear shirts with slogans unless they represent you completely. You get the gist. It’s about not signaling against who we actually are. You can for fun and adventure, I suppose, but be aware that people may misinterpret you and perhaps you don’t want that to happen. It’s best to keep costumes for Halloween only.
Dressing for your body type is tricky but so rewarding. Check out Kibbe and body type related Youtube videos to go down the fun rabbit hole on this topic. You will come out amazed at how bone structure and muscle and natural fat accumulation make huge differences between us. You will be so relieved to figure out what looks and feels good on you and what looks authentically you. I can’t recommend this enough.
If you can, get your clothing tailored to you or purchase only what fits you properly. Too long sleeves or too short pants aren’t going to do you justice. Learn what brands serve you best and then seek them out. Get bra fitted so that you are not one of the many women who wears the wrong, unflattering and uncomfortable size. Wear comfortable shoes so that you are comfortable and your movements don’t look odd.
Remember that the way we dress speaks for us before we speak for ourselves. Choose carefully and be true to yourself. For example, even though I love dresses and they’re the classic epitome of feminine attire, I don’t wear many. Skirts work better for me so I wear those instead.
Finer Details
These are the finishing touches, the scent you may choose to wear, the nail polish, jewelry, and your hairstyle. Women tend to spend a lot of time and energy here, skipping some of the above steps. Ladies, you’re not doing yourself any favors.
These are details that men do not notice much unless they are already close to you. Even now, my husband can hardly tell between my make-up and no make-up days. He doesn’t notice if I’ve colored my hair. He doesn’t pay much attention to my nails or jewelry. He doesn’t care for me to wear perfume. I’ve heard many women say similar about their husbands. My point is that these details are last in the hierarchy because while they certainly enhance your beauty and refine it and often provide you a boost of energy or confidence, you don’t want to put much time or resources into this area until the rest of the list is taken care of.
If you have acne but also want expensive highlights, you’re better off paying the dermatologist than the hairstylist. If you have overwhelming anxiety, you don’t want to cope by merely getting your nails done–you need to get to the root cause of that issue instead.
Take the time you need to figure out where it is worth it for you to use details to complete your unique look. But don’t spend much time here before putting sufficient work into steps 1-4.
I highly suggest using a notebook, virtual or otherwise, to track the above steps. You’ll do better to stay organized and keep yourself accountable. Also, you can remind yourself to prioritize these in the correct order. You’ll see a major reward from doing so and as a huge plus, you’ll be on your way towards feeling your very best!
29
Mar
2021
Marie Kondo is Right
Drawing by 11-year-old A.M.
Marie Kondo is the cute Japanese organization guru who took the world by storm when she wrote her book “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” and had us physically hold a possession while asking ourselves: “does this bring me joy?”
I read the book years ago and marveled at this woman’s wisdom and articulation on a topic that is often presented in a practical way, with logical solutions, frequently involving creative and tedious storage solutions. Kondo however, knows this topic is emotional. She has long worked with clients in their homes, and is well aware that we humans tie our hopes, dreams, memories, and all kinds of emotional baggage into the inanimate objects we possess.
Her solution regarding asking if something brings us joy taps right into the emotional reality connected to an object and allows us to decide in the right way whether we should keep something or not. The end result is a physical environment that serves our needs and doesn’t weigh us down with unnecessary distraction, clutter, and negative past associations.
Note that the question, “does this bring me joy?” is highly personal. Where other advice often attempts to decide what you will or will not keep, she respects the fact that you may absolutely need to keep a beloved kitschy item on a shelf, despite no one else seeing any value in it.
Kondo is ruthless, though. If something doesn’t serve a critical purpose or bring you joy, you really should get rid of it.
I have used her method to let go of decades long-held items and lots of clutter. My children have used the method to narrow down their collection of stuffed animals and legos. My husband…well, he already seems to practice the Kondo Method by nature, keeping a very minimalist lifestyle and buying only what he really needs or truly wants. The man gets it.
A homemaker needs to be able to keep a tidy house. This is impossible to do if a homemaker is also swimming in a ridiculous amount of stuff. Kondo’s approach is a way of helping us do less and to highly curate and enjoy our environment–and all according to our own standards. It’s a beautiful thing.
26
Mar
2021
How to Lose 40 Pounds
The average American woman is about 5’4 and weighs about 170 pounds. Losing about 40 pounds, give or take a bit to accommodate one’s height, muscle mass, and bone structure, should put one at a healthy weight.
23
Mar
2021
Discriminative Consumption in All Things
Our pickiness is filtered by us and for us. It’s the ultimate act as an individual to choose. It matters that we choose in a way that reflects our values and serves us well.
10
Mar
2021
Does Femininity Make You Cringe?
It does for many. But why? How did this happen? Have you heard of men on social media talking about how proudly and effortlessly feminine Eastern European or Asian women are? They are talking about the contrast to women of the West who often cringe at or avoid appearing vulnerable, submissive, and sweet.
Feminism has infected the minds of females in Western countries and made them ashamed of their own nature. Did you have a young girly phase that went away as you got through elementary school? Did you try to be as tough and aggressive as a boy? Did you want to “kick butt” and help prove to the world that girls can do anything boys can do? Did you feel compelled to get into STEM or video games to show up for the girl’s team in a male dominated space? Did you think babies were gross? Can you merely blush at a compliment and say “thank you” or must you use self-deprecating humor to awkwardly accept kind words?
For most, deep down, you are still feminine. It is your nature. The focus on people and their feelings, the aesthetic sensitivity, the nurturing, the wanting to make everyone around you feel seen and cared for–these traits are something you probably have within you.
There’s another level of femininity that women don’t want to experience. This is where the cringe factor comes in for many. They can be nurturing and dutiful mothers, sure, but sweet and vulnerable? That is hard unless you’ve never been conditioned to stop being that way. You likely were sweet and vulnerable as a toddler or little girl. If you were treated kindly, it was your nature. We’re told to compete with the boys in so many ways in our childhood. By the time we are young adults, we’ve toughened up so much in our attempt to be fierce and respected women, we end up being cold and harsh.
Ponder on this for a bit. Why would something natural like showing your joy and appreciation for someone be too embarrassing? Why would taking time to fix yourself up to look pretty make you feel strange or guilty? Awareness is the first step. From there, you can choose to let your femininity shine in the ways you’d like.
Some ask the question, “what if someone is a tomboy and doesn’t want to be feminine?” All females can be feminine, even the “tomboys”. Don’t conflate femininity with pink dresses. Some of the most masculine women parade in them. Try to focus on the behaviors and quality of character you bring. Here are examples of femininity to consider.
Don’t forget Joan of Arc. She was feminine and no one would dare refer to her as weak.
If femininity and feminine behavior makes you cringe, simply as yourself why. It shouldn’t give us this reaction. Ask what or who changed you.