Femininity

10
Mar
2021

Does Femininity Make You Cringe?

It does for many. But why? How did this happen? Have you heard of men on social media talking about how proudly and effortlessly feminine Eastern European or Asian women are? They are talking about the contrast to women of the West who often cringe at or avoid appearing vulnerable, submissive, and sweet.

Feminism has infected the minds of females in Western countries and made them ashamed of their own nature. Did you have a young girly phase that went away as you got through elementary school? Did you try to be as tough and aggressive as a boy? Did you want to “kick butt” and help prove to the world that girls can do anything boys can do? Did you feel compelled to get into STEM or video games to show up for the girl’s team in a male dominated space? Did you think babies were gross? Can you merely blush at a compliment and say “thank you” or must you use self-deprecating humor to awkwardly accept kind words?

For most, deep down, you are still feminine. It is your nature. The focus on people and their feelings, the aesthetic sensitivity, the nurturing, the wanting to make everyone around you feel seen and cared for–these traits are something you probably have within you.

There’s another level of femininity that women don’t want to experience. This is where the cringe factor comes in for many. They can be nurturing and dutiful mothers, sure, but sweet and vulnerable? That is hard unless you’ve never been conditioned to stop being that way. You likely were sweet and vulnerable as a toddler or little girl. If you were treated kindly, it was your nature. We’re told to compete with the boys in so many ways in our childhood. By the time we are young adults, we’ve toughened up so much in our attempt to be fierce and respected women, we end up being cold and harsh.

Ponder on this for a bit. Why would something natural like showing your joy and appreciation for someone be too embarrassing? Why would taking time to fix yourself up to look pretty make you feel strange or guilty? Awareness is the first step. From there, you can choose to let your femininity shine in the ways you’d like.

Some ask the question, “what if someone is a tomboy and doesn’t want to be feminine?” All females can be feminine, even the “tomboys”. Don’t conflate femininity with pink dresses. Some of the most masculine women parade in them. Try to focus on the behaviors and quality of character you bring. Here are examples of femininity to consider.

Don’t forget Joan of Arc. She was feminine and no one would dare refer to her as weak.

If femininity and feminine behavior makes you cringe, simply as yourself why. It shouldn’t give us this reaction. Ask what or who changed you.

Posted by admin in Femininity
17
Feb
2021

Feminine Wardrobe Basics That Will Never Go Out of Style

Drawing by 11-year old A.M.

If you’re looking to change or add to your wardrobe and want to incorporate some basic feminine pieces, this post is for you.

Importantly, these pieces won’t go out of style because they’ve already stood the test of time. Focusing on timeless elements, as least to some degree, helps to save money and encourages us to acquire lasting quality.

Many women have numerous pairs of dress shoes, earrings, blouses, or yoga pants, and often don’t wear most of them very often or want to wear them less often. In another post we’ll talk about how to let mediocre items go, but for now, take your favorites, those you constantly wear, and note what it is you like about them. From here you’ll get a realistic place from which to start when thinking of other items you want to purchase.

For the following, you’ll want to edit in your own style and color choices. Here are feminine wardrobe basics that won’t go out of style:

  • button-up shirts in billowy fabrics or fitted but not tight crisp cotton
  • nautical striped tops with crew or boat necks
  • t-shirt style tops, long or short-sleeved, that are not see-through
  • trousers with pleats (more points if you add a flexible belt)
  • ankle length pants
  • cotton, silk, rayon, modal for tops
  • wool, cashmere, knitted cotton for sweaters/cardigans
  • cotton, wool, jean material for pants
  • leather or suede shoes
  • half-inch or one-inch heeled shoes with almond shaped toes
  • neutral colors plus one to three accent colors that flatter you
  • skirts of all lengths and styles except those that are too short
  • opaque solid tights and knit stockings in neutral colors
  • dresses of all kinds except those that are too short, too tight, or those that restrict your movement
  • necklaces, earrings, bracelets, and rings that don’t get in your way or impede your daily activities

Consider avoiding:

  • heavy fancy embellishments for everyday wear unless you can be consistent and it compliments your lifestyle
  • colors that don’t complement you (otherwise wear them below your chest, away from your face)
  • overly tight clothes (if you must wear yoga pants, wear a long top or tunic for sufficient modesty)
  • overly loose/baggy clothing unless it truly suits you (it may in the case of some women)
  • overly trendy silhouettes that will soon go out of style
  • high-heels unless you can walk gracefully and without pain
  • slogans or symbols (with exception of your religious symbols or display of patriotism to the country in which you reside)
  • anything uncomfortable, ill-fitting, dirty, wrinkled, or overly casual or dressy for your daily lifestyle
  • anything highly impractical or immodest as this sends the wrong messages about you and your ability to make wise decisions

In this author’s opinion, feminine basics are not merely a pink dress or skirt. You may not want to wear something like this when raising a puppy or looking after a toddler or going out in the cold. You have the wisdom and sense to choose practical clothing for your particular daily activities. You can make simple and even rugged clothes like jeans and a leather jacket adequately feminine by avoiding tacky or masculine designs, crude cuts, unappealing color combinations, and improper fit.

Feminine clothing is practical, comfortable, aesthetically appealing, sufficiently modest, and thoughtful towards the woman wearing it and her activities that day.

Consider some of the following to add some extra feminine touches once you’ve put on a basic outfit:

  • a scarf draped around your neck or tied in your hair
  • a hair accessory like a barrette or headband
  • a broche
  • a nice belt
  • shoes with a small feminine embellishment like a bow or tassel
  • polished nails
  • a spray of perfume or some scent

Do remember that more than anything, your behavior speaks for you. Get dressed in a way that will represent you well and then let your actions do the rest of the talking. Feminine aspects in your dress will help encourage you to act that way, but if you must go out and do something like shovel manure, rest assured, you can wear boots, jeans, and a coat, and with the attitude of a lady, you’ll still look every bit as one.

Posted by admin in Femininity, Style and Appearance
14
Sep
2020

This is Glorious Femininity

Drawing by 11-year-old A.M.

What is femininity? Is it make-up? The color pink? Frills and lace? A high-pitched voice? Pitiful vulnerability?

While the above is often associated with it, femininity is actually the natural, healthy way of a female–the inherent traits generally expressed by girls and women.

Even girls and women whose personality drives them to have a simple and unadorned look can be very feminine. Their behavior, their choices, can easily reflect femininity. They can still nurture, be thoughtful, use their emotional availability, and practice modesty and restraint while exuding happiness and positivity.

These days, femininity is mocked and twisted into something it’s not. A healthy heart is warmed and inspired by it.

This is Glorious Femininity:

  • a woman bending down to the level of a crying child and gently asking “what’s wrong?”
  • a woman who uses her senses to add beauty to an environment
  • a mother foregoing sleep to soothe her child who needs her presence
  • a nurse attentive and empathetic to the cries of a patient
  • a mother who tells her children how wonderful their father is
  • a grandmother patiently helping her daughter feed her newborn
  • a woman wondering if everyone in the room is comfortable, hungry, or in need of anything
  • a wife who makes her husband’s favorite meal when she knows he’s having a tough day
  • a sister who enthusiastically cheers and roots for her brother
  • a female who calls her friend to check up on her and see if she needs cheering up
  • a girl who makes up a sweet story with a happy ending
  • a group of women who decide to pool resources and work together for their community
  • a woman who patiently listens to her date speak in an effort to better understand and get to know him
  • a daughter grabbing her mom or dad’s hand in a casual show of affection
  • a girl who is gentle and playful with her dog or cat
  • a grandmother tearing up when all beloved family gathers around her
  • a wife who tells her husband that she believes in him

Coupled With Virtue, Femininity is Ideal

Some would read through this list and point out that men can do all these things, too, that it’s just compassion and patience and thoughtfulness. That’s true but females do these things more readily and more as a natural compulsion than males and their bodies and their natural roles are more in harmony with these behaviors. Males have different bodies, instincts, and natural roles and so they’re better at certain things–things that women can also do, but not as well.

Femininity in modern times is often suppressed due to culture. Even still, it manages to leak out of females all the time. For example, some women say they aren’t feminine at all, don’t like children, and think caring for a child would be gross and exhausting but will then get a pet and dote on that pet in such an attentive, gentle, and loving way, one wonders if that kind of female realizes that she is indeed feminine. She may just have a warped attitude towards children and motherhood and a negative view of femininity.

Femininity Appeals to All

We like someone making us delicious and nourishing food. We like receiving a sweet expression. We like someone being concerned with our feelings. We like being made comfortable. We like shows of unbridled joy and enthusiasm. We like tenderness and care. We like gentleness and patience. We like loyalty and steadfastness. We like beauty and compliments. We like femininity.

Do not confuse femininity with sexuality or sensuality or girly behavior. Femininity is easily revealed in young girls as well as mature or elderly women, women who do traditionally male-dominated work, nuns, and even a female farmer who spends her days sweating in overalls. Femininity is a wonderful gift that doesn’t take away from the uniqueness of a woman, rather it is her natural undercurrent. However, it may be suppressed if one’s environment teaches one to do otherwise or consistently rewards masculine behavior in females.

Elsewhere we discuss how to regain, learn, or enhance one’s femininity. Please know that it’s not too late!

Posted by admin in Femininity
27
Apr
2020

Determining and Enhancing Our Value as Women

Drawing by 11-year-old Aurora.

One of the most important jobs parents have is to raise children to be productive members of a family and community. Children should be inherently valuable to their parents, of course, but for their own well being, they should be taught how to contribute in age-appropriate ways so that once adults, their value goes beyond their delightful existence. Parents mostly teach this by contributing to the family in the way they can. Children take after their parents.

Once we’re grown, the question of our value becomes much more pertinent. Our traits, skills, and overall behavior all genuinely help determine how our life will go from this point on.

It’s a brutal truth but when you realize just what value you bring to the table, you may see how natural it all is and how much your own choices can impact your situation in life.

What makes a woman valuable? Here are are a the mere basics:

  • fertility
  • availability
  • health

Here are traits commonly associated with increasing a woman’s value:

  • cooking and cleaning skills
  • good with children
  • affectionate
  • polite
  • peaceful
  • willingness to act
  • communication skills
  • physically attractive
  • steadfast
  • intelligent
  • organized
  • feminine
  • honest
  • respectful
  • patient

Most women are fertile, available and open to a relationship, and decently healthy. The other traits is where you’ll find more variation. Women may find themselves lacking in several areas, which is perfectly normal. What can they do?

Well let’s say a woman lacks cooking skills. She could start learning, little by little. She can acquire the skill of feeding herself and anyone around her. Cooking skills are only gained through experience so there’s no fast work around here. However, what if she doesn’t enjoy cooking and doesn’t see herself ever being very good at it? Well, then she’ll want to ensure she has some of the other traits on the list. She’ll probably want to work on making very good simple foods–there’s nothing wrong with never acquiring the abilities of a gourmet chef. All women have strengths and weaknesses. The key is to do all we can within our particular set of abilities.

What about the woman who lacks attractiveness? She can still control for many factors. She can work to be as healthy as possible, which always looks good, and she can be physically fit. She can learn to dress well and do her hair in a way that suits her face shape and features. She can be clean and tidy. She can be kind and patient. Most women are not a 10 on the 1-10 scale and good men don’t care. There are more important things at stake.

In the context of a woman wanting to marry a man and have children, there are many things she can work on to improve her value and overall attractiveness. The point is that each individual can do quite a lot on her own to become a productive and useful woman. Youth, looks, and fertility are certainly enough to get a woman married, but a good man is looking for a good woman–one who’ll offer more than transient value, whose worth will only increase, not decrease, with time.

Posted by admin in Femininity, Self-Knowledge